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Religion is belief based on another’s experience. Spirituality is belief based on your own.

There’s a journey that I was abruptly thrown into (or that I finally accepted myself to begin) the day my step dad passed away that has changed me from “me” to someone completely different in 1 day. It’s a weird time for me because I’m also an OnlyFans slut, mentally ill as a mf, drug addict, varying degrees of traumatized 24/7, and now newly spiritual. I try to find the humor in the chaos. In the chaos, I have also started to find some peace, too.

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By OBYCF

One Bitch You Can’t Forget



This is my journey told by me in the present time coming from a past with plenty of trauma and feeling like “what in the actual fuck is my life doing?”

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In a quick summary:

I was molested as a young child, drug-addicted, mentally ill, & absent parents, my own long list of mental disorder diagnoses, a couple of really life-changing tragedies in my teenage/young adult years, rape, my grandparents that raised me both passing away (whom I consider to be my "parents"), domestic violence, suffering from heartbreak over & over, extreme loneliness/isolation from everyone I used to associate with, abortion, my own drug addiction(s), loss of my career, jail twice in the last year, and my step-dad passing away unexpectedly. As time went on, it continued to pile on top of each other one by one and even though a counselor's office has been like a second home to me at many points in my life, I couldn't stand it anymore.

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I’ve felt the overwhelming need to create, and write, and explain, and be open, and honest. And, tell it exactly how I feel it happens, when, and the meaning I’ve placed on it.

 


This process feels “crazy”. I just got out of a situation where I got to the point of believing I was the crazy one so… maybe all this is me going crazy. If so, crazy ain’t so bad. I’ll take it over whatever the fuck I was before. Any day. Once I am all the way crazy I think I get to not care what anyone thinks anyway so what’s there really to lose? I’d do anything and call it “crazy” “psychotic” “hallucinations” whatever label you’d like to place, and I’ll still take it. Yesterday. Like quick.



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I’m hopeful this journey will continue to change me as I put forth the energy to do so and get me as far away from the person that wrote this introduction to one that doesn’t see this life from such a victimized point of view. I want to give back to the world far more than I ever took from it.



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“I do not wish to escape my darkness, I am learning to love myself there”

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