Artistically Navigating My Spiritual Journey Week By Week [continually updated]

Spiritual Journey Of A Slut
Nov 20, 2021
7 min read

Updated: Oct 28, 2022

This is my journey updated weekly with photos/artwork (September 2021 - April 2022). This is to help those currently unsure of their own path. I spend much of my time worried about the same thing, although less as time goes on. But, it’s still enough that I believe it’s a problem. You aren’t alone in that one at all.

It can cause you to feel lost, alone, and judged. I hope this blog post might bring you comfort that your own journey, no matter how different/strange/crazy it may appear to others or yourself, is exactly where you need to be. This is, I believe, the best thing that can happen to a person. Enjoy it as absolutely much as you can.

I’ve only just gotten my feet wet so my opinions may change many times over this process but that’s also part of it… it’s meant to shake up your entire life and change everything you’ve ever believed prior.

There’s no rule book. There’s no step-by-step guide. It seems you are supposed to be your own navigator. So, if that is the case, there can’t really be a “right” way. There’s just the way you decide to go… here’s a little glimpse into what mine looks like.

1

I spent my first week mostly in my car. I reached out to people during this week as well. I tried to find comfort in those around me. It didn’t work out so well… I felt very judged. I am trying my best to see the bright side of this. I know that I can do this. I’ve been through worse and came out the other side much better for it.

2

3

4

8

In this moment, I’m a dope head. But, I’m also a lot more than that as well. A hell of a lot more than that.

Judge not lest ye be judged.

I am doing better at this myself so I’m taking my own advice AND giving it, just for future reference 😜

9

Happy Birthday my baby Hazel.

10

I stayed in my car every night this week. It was cold but bearable. I am now sitting in the warm bath at my sister’s house, thankfully. I am working towards making enough money to either fix my car or trade it for something bigger.

Then, I plan on going to California I believe. The destination has changed a couple times. I am trying to just live in the moment though so I guess I can’t really say where I’ll end up but I am fucking blowing this popsicle stand one way or another.

I was asked to come there by a photographer. He offered to pay for a flight if I need it because he has done that for models in the past. It’s nice of him, but I do hope to just drive there and take my time. That way, no matter what, I have a place to sleep that no one can take away from me and it’s there if needed. It’s nothing against him at all because from what I can tell he is trustworthy and works in a respectful and professional way with the models.

It would just make me the most comfortable right now to do it this way. I’d love to completely re-do a van and make it livable and cute 😉. I feel like such a hippie right now lol but fuck it I like my vibes.

11

12

13

I’m finally getting my car fixed. Someone in my life is buying a van for us to fix up so we can travel. I’m possibly going to keep my car or maybe trade it in, I don’t know. I kind of want to bring it along too now that I have other people going with me.

I don’t like to feel trapped and the more independence I can maintain, the better. Things are better. I’m leaving the past in the past for good now. I’m ready to just live and be free of all the bullshit I’ve ever been weighed down by before. Cya never Tennessee. 😉 it’s been… whatever. I don’t really care enough to even say right now lol. And that’s exactly the mindset I’ve been trying to find again. Hello indifference to the bullshit. Goodbye bad feelings 😜 I thrive in these times.

14

If you know how to play the game…

which is what becoming enlightened is essentially, I believe; figuring out it’s a game we are playing. Don’t take it so fucking seriously. Our souls signed us up for this game.

It’s up to us to make it an amazing one

we truly enjoy playing. Many people don’t realize it’s a game. Therefore, they don’t enjoy the game at all. They feel life is unfair, they believe it’s cruel and negative and overall just supposed to suck. They have anxiety and depression and addiction problems and sickness. I have experienced them all as well. I didn’t realize this life was just a game before. It was life or death, and that’s it. What about the in between section that I was neglecting to acknowledge which is the actually living part?

A game you make the rules to

So I’ve decided I can accept and believe a con man is sexy, that he can lie, he can be whatever it is he wants to be. He can be Jesus Christ himself. If I want to fuck with him, I can. A slut can play, too. The particular move I’ll need to use here is called **playing stupid**; my specialty. I embrace it often. It’s one of my favorite tools. It works. And it gives results.

In contrast

I can play and be who I want to be. A slut. A spiritual slut, even. A gullible one. One that fucks Jesus Christ himself, apparently. Seemingly easily manipulated, if the situation calls for that. I can be nice. I can be a bitch. I can be anything as long as I don’t hurt others intentionally (because that’s one of my rules, I do not wish to cause others’ harm in my game). And, so long as I know how to play the game, and I know that I make the rules, I can’t lose.

15

16

17

18

19

I meant it when I said I was embracing being a dope head because I should embrace who I am at any given moment. I’ve done nothing but embrace the hell out of it since I decided that. It’s weird really… this new magic I’ve learned about that I never gave any weight to before. I wish I would have though… it would have saved me soooo much trouble and heartache if I realized much sooner that you TRULY ARE the one that decides what you feel about everything.

Maybe the mentally healthy people of the world realized this before they even remember. Or, even crazier, maybe they never lived a life other than one where they decided freely what they felt at any given time. I don’t know if that’s the case because I’ll be damned if I ever had a single bit of control over what I felt my entire life until now. I truly did not. Although, I never truly fucking gave it too much of a try, either. Like who the hell thinks that’s going to actually work when someone tells you that?

I didn’t.

It went in one ear and out the other. I felt it would have been impossible to be able to do that. I felt a slave to my emotions my whole life. Being someone who is very emotional… and can’t regulate them… and also doesn’t feel empowered enough to change them… hahah. I’ve had a rough go so far. Truly. But, I’m thankful I know now and I’m also thankful I quickly figured out how to do it (mostly. I’m not perfect by any means but it’s progress). It’s one of the best tools in my mental “fix me by any means necessary” toolbox. I got a tool or two now a days. Maybe a few more than two tbh. 😉

20

21

22

I hope y’all get the good freak nasty sex today. Then maybe make love or somethin’ if you’re feelin’ froggy. Idk. Lol you can tell what I think of Valentine’s Day. Cheers 😉

23

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25

26

27

28

32

I’m going to stop counting the weeks and just make updates as I can/want to or if there is something important going on that I want to share. I’m so behind on the weeks at this point.

This is the point where I’m settling into how the new “me” is. The day I awakened was a day that drastically changed me. I think of time in terms of before that day and after that day when referring to my past. It was that big of a deal in who I am. I don’t identify with my old self very much.

It’s a good thing I don’t feel the need to update so often anymore. I’m finally feeling some comfort in this new me and what I’ve learned and where I’m going from here. Not only did I change that day, I’ve also changed every day since in many ways. I love who I am now, I truly do. That was the big take away from all the weeks up until now (almost a year now). Self love was/is the key.

I actually remember during all this (it was around November 2021) I had listened to a tarot reading and in it she had said that an ancestor wanted me to know that I am too negative in my thoughts and opinions of myself and life. Up until that point I didn’t even realize how true that was. That’s the day I started trying to catch those negative thoughts and change them. She had also said that the key to happiness is already inside me I just have to find it. And it so happens to be that I believe now that the key is self love… I didn’t realize that for many months. I believe I wrote about it on one of these weekly updates.

The universe is really fucking magical and helpful. I’m just saying. Believe me or not... what does it hurt to just give me the benefit of the doubt and check into it… you might find some magic. It’s worth it. And if you are still skeptical? Then you are just right back where you started, no harm no foul.

here’s the notes I took the day I listened to the psychic reading about the key to happiness