The Blood Is Rare and Sweet As Cherry Wine

Cherry Wine

by Hozier

(pronouns changed to ‘he/him’ to resonate with my own story)

Her[His] eyes and words are so icy

Oh but s[he] burns

Like rum on the fire

Hot and fast and angry as s[he] can be

I walk my days on a wire

It looks ugly, but it's clean,

Oh daddy, don't fuss over me

The way he tells me I'm his and he is mine

Open hand or closed fist would be fine

The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine

Calls of guilty thrown at me

All while he stains the sheets of some other

Thrown at me so powerfully

Just like he throws with the arm of his brother

But I want it

It's a crime

That he's not around most of the time

The way he shows me I'm his and he is mine

Open hand or closed fist would be fine

Blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine

His fight and fury is fiery

Oh but he loves

Like sleep to the freezing

Sweet and right and merciful

I'm all but washed

In the tide of his breathing

And it's worth it, it's divine

I have this some of the time

The way he shows me I'm his and he is mine

Open hand or closed fist would be fine

The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine

The perfect words to describe what it truly feels and presents like.

For those that might still not quite understand… here’s an article describing the physiological/psychological aspect that society, as a whole, refuses to acknowledge, understand, and accept.

I have been questioned so intensely about my morals, my mental health, my emotional intelligence, etc. I have been looked at and treated like a complete idiot who just wants to be hurt this deeply over and over. This article is for you. It’s about Stockholm Syndrome in romantic relationships.

https://counsellingresource.com/therapy/self-help/stockholm/

You either get it or you don’t at this point… I’ve given all the information and stories and tears that I can to get people to an understanding. I can’t keep explaining myself over and over on why in the hell I deeply want the same person who helped break me.

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If you understand, I hope it’s not because you’ve experienced it, too.

and If you don’t, I hope you can try to seek further understanding before placing judgment on those that have found themselves here. You are deeply hurting other people if you question their feelings and intentions in this kind of dynamic.

They question themselves enough… I promise.

They don’t need you [presumably someone they care about] to do it as well. It adds to the shame and guilt a great deal.

… and if understanding is hard for you to come by… it’s best not to say anything at all...

that is, if you care at all about trying not to hurt others that are already hurting… ya know, kick ‘em while they are down type of vibes.

… and if you don’t care if you hurt others?

You’re likely someone responsible for causing this scenario to begin with in others. I hope you heal that part of you while I’m fighting like hell to heal the part of me that was broken to begin with to find myself in this situation at all. You are helping destroy an entire person; everything they are and everything they think and believe and wish for and desire... their dreams, their sexuality, their other relationships, their sense of self worth, their motivation, their trust in others, their trust in themselves, and their will to even live…

… and you are doing it one person at a time and then leaving them alone after all of that to pick up the pieces without any of the tools they might have had prior to handle picking themselves back up... without help or support or the mental space to cope.. and the most devastating of all.. it’s without even the slightest bit of concern from the one person you made sure was the only one they had in this world: you.

This is me now, almost 1 year later. 1 year later and I still struggle greatly with all of this... I focus every single day all day long on trying to navigate my way to eventual healing that gets me to a person who isn’t so profoundly traumatized and in perpetual survival mode. It’s better than it was in the beginning but it’s no where near what I would call healed as you can tell by the video.

[this video was taken on March 27, 2022. Panama City Beach]

I still crave him so much. It’s far more than anyone I have ever wanted in my life. It’s a tragedy that abuse creates this dynamic, really. I am just learning to embrace it. That’s all you can do.. embrace it and try your best to heal anyway you know how and have hope and faith you make it out the other side a better person for having gone through it.

I am thankful it happened because it allowed me to be confronted with my own abusive tendencies and my own negative actions towards those I say I love. I didn’t get myself into a relationship like that by accident. and neither does anyone else that finds themselves in that place… it happened because I was just as sick and unable to love someone appropriately.

It is by no means all his fault, it’s 50/50. All of it. It took me quite awhile to accept that because I was so hurt by his actions. But, I accept it now. And I am doing the work to heal those parts of me to become someone much better than I used to be. That’s all I can do. That’s all he can do, too. That’s his choice to make. I have faith he will choose to do the work. I know him deep down, I know his true intentions and based on that he will heal. And some woman one day will be lucky to have him like that. I know the statistics don’t support this, but I’m not one to blindly follow what I read/hear/study. I must use life experience as well. And every ounce of me agrees.

Take that for what you will… maybe I’m just that sick that I live in la la land of hopes and dreams and unanswered prayers. I’m choosing to believe I have some sort of capacity to form that opinion a year after the fact. But, abuse is weird and will have you lost in the sauce and not even know it. I’m no stranger.

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