What It Actually Means To Not Give A Fuck What Others Think About You

I’m going to explain the difference between two different mindsets that don’t appear on paper that they are too far off from one another but they are, I think… until they are not again. They are only that far off from one another when you haven’t yet reached the goal of truly “not giving a fuck”.

However, once you’ve reached the goal, they are, again, as they appeared at first glance. They are mindsets similar in their execution and how they present themselves. They are on a spectrum that you, moment by moment, are sliding back and forth on.

I’ll explain my reasoning for thinking this and also I’ll explain exactly WHAT I mean if you are confused already… because I’m confusing myself. Lol. Per usual. I’ve got many ideas and thoughts and hypothesis in this brain… I spend much of my time on all of them. But, the more I do so, the more confused I become and the more confusing my ideas appear to others even if I came to that conclusion with careful planning and re-assessment and research and asking others and comparing and contrasting and asking myself even more questions again just to make sure. I don’t quickly form ANYTHING in this head of mine besides what MUST be quickly decided upon.

But, even then, I revisit everything for further evaluation and I change my opinions often in the early stages. It’s who I am, it’s what I’ve always done. But, once I’ve finally put in the real work to form an answer that I can get behind, I’m pretty firm on it. This isn’t for lack of energy and time spent. I do the work. It can all still be changed, though. I do try my best to make sure of that. Because, I realize it’s important for growth. I realize it’s important for new experiences and relationships to flourish.

I felt the need to explain all of that because I use my blog posts as a way to “get it all out”. It’s me, of which I’m just now really figuring out who I even am... for those days that I do somewhat give a fuck what another person thinks and I feel the need to explain myself.

It’s difficult and seemingly unobtainable long-term to live in such a way that completely lacks any interest in others thoughts and opinions. But, you can get pretty close overall. You can even actually do it for short periods of time. I’d equate it to psychosis, actually.

Being someone who thinks they don’t really care what others think of them and/or being someone who believes that concept to be important and trying to figure it out is different than what it actually means to not care what anyone thinks of them. I’ve been both now. I go back and forth somewhere slightly short of not giving a fuck, actually. Once you’ve experienced not caring what ANYONE else thinks about you, you can’t un-experience it. You can’t go back to ignorance. And, at least in my case, I linger pretty close to that extreme end of the spectrum now which was greatly influenced by the time I ACTUALLY didn‘t give a fuck.

I still have some unanswered questions and “what if’s” about the concept, though. Even though I have fully experienced for a short time the true meaning.

I’ll lay those questions out here and hopefully someone reading may have the answers to them or can point me in the right direction…

Is it important to care what others think concerning having empathy for other people?

Can you have empathy without caring what others think about you truly?

If so, how?

I know that empathy is “putting yourself in someone else’s shoes” but for me, that also entails being concerned with how I come off to them. Am I likely being perceived as too harsh? Is there a way I can be perceived better to help them? Am I being understanding of their feelings? Etc. To me, that is greatly caring what another person thinks. Is that even on the same wavelength to the one my blog post is about?

Is it smart to sometimes care what other people think about you?

Example: being concerned if a cop sees you as a drug addict? if you don’t care… then you appear as someone who likely has drugs on them (if you do lol)… then maybe they act (illegally) based upon that judgment of you… and you go to jail for possession… then what? You screwed yourself over when maybe the trait of caring what others think could have saved you from jail. Ya know? Just an example. Just throwing it out there.

Does not caring what others think about you mean that you live in such a way that completely negates all of society?

Like… when I’m more of a “idgaf” person on a particular day concerning others opinions of me… I seem to be very flighty. I am very unbothered… I am maybe even unsafe in a way. Like I will act on impulse if it still aligns with my morals. I will do what I need to do. It feels somewhat selfish at times. It also feels necessary at other times. It’s a fine line between the two. I am not sure how I am supposed to feel about the way I act when I don’t care what others think about me.

And Is that normal? ^

Is it only good to not care what strangers think but SHOULD care what people think if they are close with you or you love them?

Does not caring what others think mean you don’t value opinions of others? Does that make you selfish? Is that the goal?

Does not caring what others think only go so far until it’s harmful?

So those are a few of my many questions. I ask them because the one time I truly did not give a fuck what anyone else thought about me, I felt mentally insane, psychosis is what I’d likely call it. It was obviously after the fact that I decided it was mentally insane because during the time… I didn’t care. Lol.

There was not a care in the world besides what my own world was doing. I acted based upon my own morals and opinions and had no regard for the laws that I don’t agree with. I had no regard for potential repercussions of my actions (ie: going to jail) concerning the lack of care for those laws. I didn’t hurt others, at least not that I know of or intentionally. But, I didn’t try to make sure that others were helped by me, either. I didn’t care. I also wouldn’t necessarily call it selfish, though, either. It was a different “being”…. it had a different feel to it than one of pure selfishness.

My “usual” not caring (but caring a little bit) what other’s think about me can be best represented by my Reddit account. lol

I smoke dope on there. Openly. For the people of the world to see.

Smart? Eh... probably not.

A way to stand for something I believe in? Yes.

Being myself without caring what others think about it? Absolutely. if I cared in those times, I wouldn’t do it. It’s not really socially acceptable to smoke meth where I live. Maybe it’s not acceptable anywhere, I don’t know. It’s the quickest way to get told how gross you are and told how stupid you are and told how lame your life must be. Smoke some dope on the meth subreddit and you’ll understand where I’m coming from. You will be swiftly shook at the amount of hate you will receive.

I have gotten death threats. I have been told soooo many negative things by complete strangers since doing so. Here’s just a few of the many I’ve gotten recently (or that I saw directed at someone else on there) just to give a little example of what deciding to live my authentic self entails. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything now. I’m proud of myself.

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It was/is fuel to my self-loving lil fire in my lil beautiful soul. I can call it that now because I’m learning self love and I DO have a lil beautiful soul… albeit, one that still has an ego problem and a lil anger towards hate but I’m working on it. 😉 Who would have thought that you could find self love in smoking dope on Reddit? Well, I’m here to tell you that you absolutely can. You can find it anywhere, apparently. The more I love myself the more I realize this.

Ok back to my usual “not but still a little bit” caring what others think. My Reddit account. I also post my pussy on there. I live in the Bible Belt. I’ll let you decide if that’s acceptable to do. I also sometimes speak my mind, when I feel it will be of potential benefit to the underdogs (if the underdogs are a part of what I am also a part of or if they directly impact my life or if someone I know/care about is directly impacted), and stand up for what I believe in even when I know it’s of the minority opinion. I get downvoted into oblivion sometimes lol.

But, I know I’m on the right track because 1) it feels right at every point in this process so far and 2) I will have that random message from someone saying they really appreciate my authenticity… that I made a difference. That they respect the hustle. Those are the times when I give a fuck what someone else thinks. and those are the times that help me continue on when my own efforts are lacking drive and reasoning.

*Let me also say that I gladly take criticism if it is given with good intentions. I can take it all day. I want it, actually. I like outside influence when it’s meant to help me and not harm me. But, most of it is meant to harm or judge or belittle or whatever. I’d say… 95% of it is. And it’s easy to tell the difference. That other shit is for the birds.*

So there is an obvious difference in those two frames of mind… not giving a fuck FOR REAL and thinking you don’t give a fuck. So I’m at a loss for what’s ideal… I’m at a loss for which to strive for... if I should strive for anything… it’s all a bit confusing.

All I know is this:

(and this will help you to understand why I have all these questions and uncertainties to begin with…)

My ultimate goal and what I have decided is of the utmost importance and what I work towards every single day:

I wish to be happy and to love others and myself as unconditionally as absolutely possible, overall… not overly happy every single day. But, happy. And when I’m not happy… I’m ok.

I don’t suffer any longer mentally no matter what I must go through in life, I can do it and I can do it well without the downfall of all the associated trauma and healing the trauma that comes with those experiences.

I am able to float freely through life and have the feeling that I figured it out. Whatever “it” is. I know it’s there… I know one can achieve it. At least I believe so. I’ve had enough of the feeling now that I know it exists, at least. Is it obtainable as the “status quo”. Is it obtainable as MY status quo?

What I’ve decided so far concerning this goal and me achieving it is… spiritually, for me at least, is a good path to follow to get there. I don’t wish to go to church or be religious, or talk about the Bible, or even read the Bible. I wish to experience my spirituality as it pertains to me. I wish to learn from others’ experiences to further my own understanding but be able to leave those experiences at the door when something happens in my own life that contradicts those.

I wish to stop always thinking. I don’t want to have all these thoughts all the time. I don’t want to be in constant “I don’t know, let me keep thinking about it until I don’t know even more than before” mode. I’ve rarely left that mode in the 29 years I’ve been alive. It’s exhausting. It’s not “happy”.

But I worry if I don’t do it, then I’ll be selfish. I don’t wish to be selfish, either. But maybe I’m supposed to be. Maybe everyone is supposed to be. Maybe everyone is too worried about being selfish that they never get happy. Maybe those two ideas have nothing to do with one another.

I do realize that many find happiness in the mindset of just letting things go, freely allowing ideas and emotions and thoughts to pass through you… dealing with them as they come and quickly releasing them back into the universe and not holding onto them like they must be owned by you. Nothing must be owned by you, and I get that. But here I am… taking on many “things” to own including the idea of how NOT to own them like this paragraph describes. You see my dilemma. It’s a mind fuck… this spirituality and the pursuit of happiness. I’d enjoy it a lot more if it weren't such a mind fuck. I guess everyone would, though.

This blog post, much like my brain activity at all times, turned into less of me explaining my thoughts on something and more into a bunch more questions that I can’t seem to ever answer. Oh well, I guess lol. I’m embracing “me” and this is she. For real.

I miss psychosis lol