Don’t Be So Quick to Judge Drug Addicts…
- Spiritual Journey Of A Slut
- Jun 24, 2021
- 0 min read
Updated: Sep 25, 2021
I’ve been watching a lot of drug addiction videos on YouTube.
I’ve also been crying because:
a) I’m an emotional mess per usual
and
b) because the country I live in is so against drug users yet most are in agreeance that it is a disease, not a choice.
When looking online at the most recent research, you will find that it’s a pretty much unanimous finding backed by study trials and real numbers and figures and tests.
how do you CONDEMN… LOCK UP… JUDGE…. TREAT HORRIBLY someone with a disease BASED on that fact? It goes against all logic when looking at it from that point of view.
I wouldn’t go up to someone with type 1 diabetes and call 911 to put them in JAIL for their disease. I wouldn’t look at someone with rheumatoid arthritis (comparable because it’s a disease you can physically notice pretty quickly upon meeting much like noticing a meth addict due to physical signs) and judge them based off that. I honestly wouldn’t think much of it at all.
However, too many people in this country think (and act and even call 911) far TOO MUCH when confronted with an addict “in the wild” aka just passing by one on the street or in the store. They aren’t animals, btw. This entire country needs to re-evaluate this whole war on drugs. Also, while they are at it…
Maybe they should look within at some important commonalities they have with an “addict.”
They fail to realize drugs are only one of many addictions one could have and really none are any different than the others if you look purely at the “why” of it all.
We ALL are just trying to do things day to day to feel better. To feel happy. To get by. To not feel so damn miserable. To not hurt.
Everybody I know has some sort of addiction: coffee, working out, workaholic, perfectionist, social media, or porn. Or gambling, or sex, or love. Or any fucking thing. We are all addicted to something.
Yet, the country I live in condemns those who pick drugs and if I’m being honest, drugs are, at least, something that makes you truly FEEL the best in the moment. The smart ones pick drugs when you really think about it.. If the main goal is: feel happy, feel ok… they at least found an addiction that caused an actual chemical change in their brain and created real mood changes. No wonder it’s a major problem in this country.
As a teenager, I’d guess most people try drugs. They are cool, and fun, and what everyone else is doing. Literally, that’s where it starts. You will never forget the feeling you got the first time doing a drug. It’s normally a unique experience to feel something you’ve never felt before… and usually it is a good feeling you get.
And, since you never forget that; when life hits you and you want to fucking die one day you remember how good you felt that one time you did a pain pill. Or smoked dope. And, so, the stars align and someone you know has something, or you go to a party and boom there’s dope. So, you do some. You feel that feeling again. And it’s so nice. You aren’t addicted, yet.
Not close… but actually way too close for comfort but your non-drug addicted brain does not yet realize this fact. You feel “not addicted” for quite some time. You can go days, weeks, months, whatever without said drug, only using for fun. IF you can stop there, congrats you’ve almost won the game and you may pass go and you may collect $200.
However, we, as people, more often than not cannot stop there because we don’t realize what “there” is yet. You’ve never NOT been there. And addiction is one of those things you find yourself in before you realize it, and it’s too late. You can never be “there” again. You can NEVER win that game, ever again. You have a new game to play; one that has no real winners. It only has players that are different levels and variations of “bad” at the game.
No winners, only losers.
I was a “decent” loser in the beginning. I could still work, no one knew or could tell. I never got too fucked up to function in my life, I did enough to get by and I did my “life” shit, too.
I did it well, honestly. I had the money to support the habit (barely, which is why I switched to Suboxen: way cheaper, more safe, and close to a normal life without running around caring about finding drugs all the time risking your freedom daily and meeting shitty people.
It’s easily accessible and plenty of people sell their extra Suboxen. One sub lasted me 4 days vs taking sometimes multiple Roxicets a day that cost twice as much PER pill.
1 sub = $20
so about $5 a day,
1 roxy 30 mg pill = $40
so anywhere from $40 a day to $120 a day rarely.
You can see the major difference in habits and the effects on your financial situation depending on what you choose.
But, doing subs isn’t winning. Like I said, there are only losers in this new game.
Subs come with their own set of issues. Like, they don’t feel anywhere near as “good” they actually don’t feel like anything once you are used to them or taking a small dose which is what I think the smartest way of going about them is.
You can feel yourself slightly get a little bit of energy, like drinking a cup of coffee in the morning. You might be a little euphoric sometimes, not always though.
And, it’s not anywhere near the same.
I remember realllllly missing Roxicets in the beginning when I switched. And, if you take a sub within the last, I’d say, 1-3 days, if you try to do a Roxy…? Eh. you might feel slightly different but not worth the money you spent or the hassle.
So, you are kind of stuck or else you have to go through sickness just to get the sub out of your system enough to be able to enjoy any other opiate.
Not that that’s such a bad thing overall but it fucks with your mental state when you are an addict. It took me awhile to just say “I’m doing subs and that’s that.” I’m proud of truly not caring or wanting roxys anymore.
It’s kind of like a bad breakup. It took me over a year. A year of obsessing and thinking and planning and re-planning and ruminating and wondering and re-evaluating etc. But, after I had truly just thought the fuck out of it and there was just no energy left, I was “over” the relationship I had with roxys.
I think the people that don’t take that time to just be miserable and just “sit in the stink” like with a normal breakup, they won’t ever get over it. The only difference(s) is a drug can’t say they don’t love you anymore. A drug can’t cause you to give the silent treatment as not to hurt your ego anymore, a drug can’t cheat or lie to you making you feel validated in ending it, etc.
A drug ONLY makes you feel good. And you can feel REALLLLLY bad physically without it, like the flu but worse and for longer depending on what you are addicted to. You can die from nerve pill and alcohol withdrawal. PLUS the mental anguish without it is more, in a way, than a breakup. That’s why it’s harder than a regular breakup. That’s why so many can’t stay quit.
Just like you talk yourself into getting back with an ex “one more time”, you can even more easily decide why you need to go get more dope “one more time”.
You have something important to do that you need to actually have the energy to get out of bed for. You feel you deserve to hang out with friends for once because you never get to but you can’t if you are sick and miserable. You want to be happy and fun and have energy.
You are well liked when you are high, unless you are a big loser in the game. (I don’t mean this in a judgmental way, just an analogy) the big losers are the ones no longer fun and funny and alive when they are high. It’s the ones that let the world really take over and they just passively let it happen because the drugs are “all they need” and “all they care about”.
They become homeless. They can become so mentally ill they commit suicide. They lose all family, friends, their health, their money, their home. They are hungry. They have no support. They are on the street. And I can promise when you are on the street, you NEED energy to survive then. You NEED the drug just to be able to get somewhere kind of safe, to make sure you eat something. Whatever.
Basic survival cannot be done when you are dope sick. Well, it can depending on the person I think. But, it takes a lot of will power. Normally you literally can’t even imagine getting up from sleeping.
Do you remember what it feels like to be that sick? Could you survive being homeless too? And cold? And having nothing and no one? Already being unhealthy and dehydrated and slender and very sick to begin with? You might not make it. Honestly.
Those are the big losers. But they aren’t losers in the normal sense of the word.
They are the potential of every single addict at any given time. They are at their rock bottom which can either make or break you. You can give in because it seems too much and definitely feels that way 100% of the time, and you die. Or maybe you are lucky. Lucky to have been raised with some morals, values, and some memory of what happiness and hope felt like soooo long ago (many aren’t that lucky) and you have the will to fight on. You know there has to be better out there. Those people build back up to be better people, and some go on to help other addicts to pay it forward. They are the lucky losers. I hope I am one. I think I am. But it’s only luck and a little bit of “grit” but mostly luck. I’m LUCKY to have been raised by my grandparents. They instilled whatever this fight is that I have. They showed me life is worth living. If I had grown up with my real parents, I wouldn’t doubt that I’d have committed suicide at this point. And that’s the truth. They are victimized, lame, think the world owes them everything. I wouldn’t survive like that. I’d lay down and just say “woe is me” until something caused my death or I took my own life because of the suffering. Many people are not lucky to have my grandparents or similar. I feel very badly for them.
That’s my overall summary. They are not to be judged, they are to be helped. Or understood, at least. I understand them so very much. I wish most others did too. I wish drugs weren’t “cool” until you are older and more wise. If I knew then what I know now, I think I could pass go & collect my $200 and be almost a winner. I know what the other game is. I think without actually playing the losing game, you can also just gain enough maturity and become wise enough and skilled at other similar life issues to know what the losing game is all about (not just that it exists, I think we all know “say no to drugs, kids” yuck. Gag. Fuckin dumb, and has no valid reason to be followed).
If you can get there before ever even trying a drug for the first time, I think you can win. I think not only can you win, but you can mostly get the benefits (of which there are honestly many, seriously) of using in moderation. It takes a lot of mental strength to be mature enough, wise enough, happy enough, content enough to not have an addictive personality though.
I don’t know how anyone could ever measure such a thing besides leave it up to each person. We need to have a country focus all money & time & energy & resources toward mental health & producing people that are truly happy and smart and well rounded.
Those people are far less likely to become addicted.
They instinctively know they don’t want to play the losing game even if never knowing the game at all. They really like the game they are playing already… why would they change to something else that is unknown? They are smart and lucky in that way, and unique. The end. Thanks for coming to my “mental illness is the problem, not drugs” Ted talk.
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