Jill Sucks Part 3
- Spiritual Journey Of A Slut
- Jul 20, 2021
- 10 min read
Updated: Apr 17, 2022
I’ve still been having a hard time dealing with my step dad passing away.
I’m not sure why this has been the hardest death I’ve ever dealt with. My grandparents that raised me have both passed away some years ago. I literally would have nightmares often about them passing away when I was growing up. I did better with both of their passing. Much better. I don’t know. I guess this is so hard because even though he wasn’t blood related to me, he was my dad.
The dad that filled the hole from my real dad/mom being a piece of shit. And, the hole left after my grandpa passed away in 2013.
It’s also difficult because his real family doesn’t see me as anything much to him.
I wasn’t in the obituary which isn’t a big deal in and of itself but it proves the point in a way.
No one called me when he had his first heart attack and was in ICU.
I never knew anything happened at all or I would have been there. (I blame my mom for this but still it also proves the point that they don’t see me in that way.. as his daughter).
No one in my family or his family called me when he died… Jill should have absolutely done this, however.
I learned it from my mom’s friend via Facebook messenger of all places. She was worried about her. She didn’t realize I had not heard that my step dad died yet. I was hysterical. She was confused.
I had not spoke to him for the 3 weeks leading up to his death because I was blocked on his phone.. at least it appears that way.
I was told that Jill convinced his family that I stole from him which is absolutely false. It makes me sad that I’ve spent all these years trying to prove myself and prove who I am as a trustworthy and loyal person…
I know my step dad was being mentally abused by Jill but why didn’t he call me at least once? Or one text?
He had the sense of impending doom from what I gather from what his family has told me. He knew something was going to happen I believe at some point. And he knew for weeks if not months.
He was taking the steps he needed to take to get his affairs and money in order. So if he had a feeling he might not make it… I’m sad he didn’t choose to speak to me at all. I really would have liked to get on good terms and to tell him goodbye or at least that I loved him and I was sorry. I know that he was busy and also scared. I know he had many other things to consider.
But, the selfish part of me thinks that I should have been on his list of things to consider.
We were only on bad terms because of Jill and both of our anger problems. That was also the case many times before and he always at least answered me so we could talk and make amends. He has never shut me out like that before. The last memory I have of him is him screaming at me & Jill to leave because we were fighting/screaming about her accusing me of stealing (a lie that she often tried to tell because she was projecting how she felt about herself… a thief). She wouldn’t leave even though he told us both to… so I left out of respect of him. I didn’t want to cause anymore issues.
These are the texts I sent following that day I left his house… he also has an iPhone so the texts from me should be in blue not green. That’s why I think I was blocked. My step dad has never once in 13 years blocked me (or anyone else that I am aware of). It wasn’t something he would do in my opinion.
^ that was the last text I ever sent him. I am not proud of the anger I had towards him but it is what it is. I was hurt. I’m not sure why the bottom text says “read” now. It never said that before or after he passed away. It came up in the following weeks.
I’ve never spoken to him since I left his home. I drove by his house the next day to talk to him but Jill’s car was still there in the driveway so I drove back home to avoid anymore arguing.
I didn’t go to his house the day he died because I knew I couldn’t hold it together seeing Jill knowing she is the reason I was unaware of the heart attack or hospital stay or even his death. I did not go to his funeral because I 1) could not see him in an open casket truly. And 2) I was trying to maintain my sobriety from recently coming off of Suboxen (my step dad always encouraged this of me and would have been proud) and I felt seeing Jill’s face (I assumed she would go, she did not) plus my step dad in an open casket may hurt my chances of staying clean 3) I knew my step dad didn’t place much value on going to a funeral.. he would have told me my sobriety was most important and to honor him in my own way which I continue to do as much as I can. I think about and talk to him daily, sometimes many times a day. I feel he listens. Jill has yet to try to call or contact me at all and it’s been over a month now.
I guess she was more worried about stealing his money after he died.. and his assets... during his funeral of all times. Great job Jill.. you took away what was rightfully for his family to have to remember him by… and to be used in times of need which is what he wanted. I called that one years ago unfortunately. It’s sad, very sad. She didn’t waste any time at all but the good thing is she showed her true colors quickly and now his family does not trust her which is the best spot to be in from here on out in their case.
I’ve learned that if you give Jill some trust, you learn why that was a big mistake at some point.
You pay dearly in one way or another. It’s always been this way in regards to my relationship with her. I lost most of my trust in her long ago. I actually warned a few family members/friends of my step dad’s the day he died of what Jill was going to do, she can’t help herself and I knew that. I hated to focus on such a thing but I felt it important if I could try to stop some of the damage to be done by her it was worth it. She did damage within the following days and still tries to sneak onto his property at night time to load up a truck with what’s left of his things.
She’s been caught and told by the police to stay away. She isn’t good at listening though.
I’m proud of myself for staying away during all of it. Of course I would have liked to feel included because of how I felt my relationship with my step dad was but it wasn’t necessary for my own journey. I spent almost every day with him for months at a time and I knew him well in my opinion.
I pretty much require deep convo in the people around me which was not his specialty. But, that’s who I am. I want to know others in a deep meaningful way. He was no different. He would open up sometimes because of me overly sharing with him. I have always had the gift of being someone that others feel they can share their most intimate details with and trust that I will not judge or cause harm with the information. I got an idea of his life’s struggles and what kind of person he was. I have a whole new respect for him because of this.
I’m glad I was able to be someone that he felt he could open up to somewhat. As far as I could tell, the only other person in his life he spent a lot of time with (besides Jill) was one of his two sons. Not because he loved one more than the other but one in particular was just like him in many ways and they got along very well which wasn’t quite the relationship I had with my step dad.
We butted heads somewhat regularly but it was never anything detrimental to the relationship, we just didn’t understand each other on a lot but could quickly get over it.
I respect his son very much. He reminds me of his dad in almost every way. It’s like they are the same person. I find myself gravitating towards him now in a strange way. I guess he is all I have left of my step dad. I am now trying to distance myself from him, too, because his girlfriend and I keep butting heads.
I know why.. I am a lot. And, it’s not really a good look for me to want to be close to his son (and his girlfriend equally). I wish everyone didn’t think immediately from a sexual standpoint when a girl and a guy are around each other.
I don’t think of his son (or my step dad even though Jill tells everyone the opposite) in this way what-so-ever. I never have. No matter what anyone says. I hate that I have to even argue this point so much. It shouldn’t be this way and it’s very unfair as to who I truly am which is someone that 1) wouldn’t do that to Jill at any point regardless of my hate for her now 2) I rarely find anyone I want to be with sexually. When I do find someone, I am overly sexual with that one person and can’t even make myself be with someone else as of the last 5 or so years this has been the case. I literally have a partner every 1-2 years. I don’t want my damn step dad sexually or his son 3) I wouldn’t do that to his son’s girlfriend, either.
I thought we were becoming friends, all 3 of us. Now, I don’t know. And don’t get me wrong.. it’s not just his son’s girlfriend.. his son also plays a role. As do I. He doesn’t seem to realize it but because he is just like his dad.. he also has some of the same mentally abusive tendencies, the leftover traits when one is abused themselves. My guess is that it’s because he has also dealt with similar.
He, at times, shuts people out, pretends not to hear them, and sometimes just ignores completely regardless of the pain it causes in others. He also can be wishy washy with his thoughts and opinions of people.. easily swayed by outside influences. His loyalty can sometimes seem shaky. I don’t hold it against him but that’s the same exact reasons I had issues at times with my step dad. I always felt I had to continually prove my loyalty and my worth to him. I always felt that the more I tried to help and be there, the more he pulled away. It seems his son is similar. I’m not trying to blame here, I have plenty of my own problems and immature ways I still have to change, too. I’m just writing what I have observed.
I also want to say that I don’t hold negativity in my heart for his son & his girlfriend. They were also the only ones willing to go out on a limb and trust me ultimately regardless of what Jill said before my step dad passed. I believe they are both just doing the best they can with the cards they have been dealt just like I am. I am thankful I got to spend the time I have with them and thankful to get some closure and maybe in turn I provided them with some sort of positive outcome, too. At the very least we got our Jill-shit-talking out of the way. It’s good for the soul sometimes. Maybe we can all try to be around each other in the future.. maybe even as something like “family”, I hope so. But for now, it’s best left alone.
I don’t want to cause any issues in his family because they are grieving. I am grieving, too, but I must grieve alone. That’s ok honestly… I will be better for it. But I have a hard time with it especially now. I hope to not feel this much like a victim. I have a lot of work to do. Now is as good a time as ever.
Jill sucks part 3 was something completely different initially. I was planning on going into detail about my conclusions on her and what I believe has happened
But I was given an obvious sign which I believe was from my step dad that I should not continue with that version. My guess is that the repercussions were possibly too detrimental although I was ready to go to war about it, that’s how strongly I feel about the topic.
But honestly, I don’t need a war right now and she’s caused so many wars already in my life that I think it’s time I take a seat on always fighting back. I’m not in the best head space to have the energy for what all she is and can be in these situations.
The truth always comes out eventually and the truth will set you free.
I truly believe that. Under those guidelines… Jill is in mental prison, locked up, and she lost her freedom with no hope of ever gaining it back if I had to guess. She’s tortured herself and I’m glad to be free of her. Fuck Jill though.
update with a little side note:
I was just thinking about this whole “Jill sucks” thing and ya know… this all started from a damn dream. Weird times 😵💫 Martin Luther King Jr vibes kinda. Jill wishes she was as important as equal rights. She’s not even close. But still… a dream. weird.
update 08/27/21
This is me… I’ve been “too independent” for some years now as you can probably tell by this post and me saying “I can deal with it alone”, etc. I felt it was me being strong and able to handle things on my own because I’ve been forced to… nope. Not so much. I’m working on it.
OBYCF [OneBitchYouCantForget] Content Creator, Newly Spiritual, Probably Mentally Unstable, Artist, RN-BSN
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