Jill Sucks Part 2

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My Gama, Jill, & I in 2011 in Hilton Head, SC

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Now that I have explained my childhood through age 16 of what I experienced because of Jill in part 1,

now I’ll explain about what she actually is which is much worse.

Keep in mind, how I thought of her and explained her to be in part 1… that was from a young “me” and I’d not yet mastered many skills such as self awareness or good emotional intelligence. That was child “me” interpretation of the events.

There is so much I never realized or understood about her yet and I still thought she did a number on me with what limited knowledge I did have

Now I am an educated woman, at least enough to begin to piece together all that Jill entails.

Now I have become more skilled at self awareness and I’ve studied quite a bit of psychology both for my degree to an extent and also in my own time because it’s interesting to me.

I’ve been in counseling since age 7 to as recently as last year, years and years of it total.

I’ve studied and read and understood an impressive amount of online psychology/medical resources concerning mental illness.

I am not a doctor by any stretch of the word. I cannot diagnose her.

But I am an RN and can assess signs & symptoms and provide possible causes without making a diagnosis. and I’m skilled at doing so in my opinion, I’ve been an RN 5 years now and worked as one full time for 4 years. So those are my credentials, take them for what you will,

but I am more than just a hurt daughter trying to call out her mother with no real argument to back it up.

I have put in the time and effort and hard work to be able to make some of these judgments. They are not empty or weakly supported statements.

She’s my mother and I wanted her to be good so badly, probably more than anyone on this earth. I wanted her to be the person she claims she is CONSTANTLY. I’ve looked at every single sign that might point to “good”, trying to find any supporting evidence of it… there is none that I can find.

And before anyone wants to jump the gun and give a “good Jill” story… I have PLENTY of my own. They NEVER ended up being true.. she proved them wrong any where from minutes to years later.

Of all my 28 years, I cannot find one single instance of her showing herself as a good person that proved to actually be “her”. It’s all been fake; very cleverly faked at times. Some of the “good” I thought I saw in her had me tricked for YEARS though.

I’m not even close to the only one she’s tricked for this many years.

For the last probably 5 years, I’ve slowly lost any remaining love I’ve ever had for her. I can honestly say I don’t love her at all, and because of recent events.. I dislike her very much and am trying not to say hate because I don’t want to hate anyone but… I hate her. I do.

That doesn’t mean I won’t give her the benefit of the doubt because I am not trying to ruin my credibility by being one sided or overly critical. I will gladly give as much detail as I can to support anything I say because I am going to make some claims at a certain point that are risky and could have repercussions.

They deserve to be in the light.

Jill has gotten away with plenty over the years. This life has not been hard on her.. she’s made it hard on herself and everyone around her in return.

I’m absolutely exhausted for having her back since I was a young child; trying to navigate my way to success while she has sabotaged every effort the entire time behind my back. It has been exhausting and I’m just tired. She does not and will never again have any loyalty from me. She ruined that long ago and even then, she still had it. Until now.

It’s difficult to know where to begin because if I really hit all the high points, we would be here all day.

So, I’ll try to narrow it way down. But, just know that whatever I do type here.. there are 1,000 more where that 1 came from. It’s all an agenda.

Anyways… I’ll get on to the specifics.

So, starting from the day that I got on the Jill ride to hell.. the day in the bathroom where she took me hostage emotionally for an ungodly amount of time..

I was now on the ride unknowingly and not buckled up. What made this situation so much worse was that I was on house arrest following a tragic accident that happened when I was 15. I was only allowed to leave the house or go anywhere with family for the next 3 years.

I lived with my elderly grandparents who couldn’t drive safely any more. It was getting to a point where we were going to get hurt if they continued trying to drive me anywhere. How the stars unfortunately aligned that my mother popped up at this exact moment in time.. I’m not sure.

I should have known better because that first day of reuniting with her.. she did the same thing she’s always done. She told me she was going to the store and would be right back…

she didn’t come back. Lol. Luckily I was old enough to just accept it in a way. I just tried my best to see that she couldn’t help herself from lying. She couldn’t tell the truth.

The truth was too difficult for her and always had been. That’s when I could have decided that it wasn’t smart to play with the fire of Jill hell. Oops. I decided the opposite.. a few days later she picked me up from my grandparents house and I was glad to just be out of the house at all, really.

She wanted me to meet her new boyfriend who I now call my step dad. If I can respectfully say, he is similar to me in many ways. We both are used to abusive patterns in different forms.. his life was much different from mine but we were both abused or around it throughout life in varying degrees by different people. And, so, we were subconsciously attracted to that type of chaos (aka: Jill) and we both stayed far past the date we should have dipped.

We both were aware of this and talked about it often in the recent years when we both finally realized the extent of “Jill” we had been going through when we swapped story after story of everything that had happened the last 12 years. He is a great man to his core and I believe that very much.

He had some leftover “Jill” to rid himself of, as do I, but I know he has always had good intentions and there just ain’t a Jill out there that can make me question that ever again. He spent much of his life trying to help people get out of hard times.. I tried to “fix” people most my life. Two sides cut from the same cloth if you ask me.

The relationship between my step dad and I has been under scrutiny which is the first main thing I’ll touch on that needs to be said because this one hurts me deeply.

I have felt this jealousy from my mom since the first day I saw her again at 16.

A woman knows when another woman is jealous of her.

I have tried to come to every other conclusion I can, I’ve tried ignoring it, I’ve tried confronting it, I’ve tried talking and crying to Jill about it, I’ve tried it all to fix it or make it be something else. It’s not fixed, it’s not anything else. She is so jealous, in fact, that she, I believe, has done most of what she’s ever done due to this. I can’t see any other real reason and I feel the jealousy to my core from her in every single look and action and it’s only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older.

It’s a foreign feeling to me coming from a family member because I’ve never questioned jealousy under those circumstances so it’s not that I’m paranoid in general.

A woman knows.

Because of this deep seeded jealousy she has for me, she began at some point in the last few years telling everyone (the ones she felt would never be around me to tell me what she said) that I was

sleeping with my step dad behind her back.

This was taken a step further after he passed when she began telling people I was in love with him. She is either disgustingly jealous or clueless about what romantic love is. I absolutely do love my step dad. Being in love and loving are 2 very different things. I have never expressed anything romantic about him whatsoever.

Do I talk or relate to him quite often? Yes.

He is the ONLY male figure I’ve had in my life since my grandpa died in 2013. That’s 8 years. And especially recently when I spent so much time with him to avoid being isolated and alone at my apartment and going through some personal issues, both of us actually.

I grew to love him very very much trying to find my way out of a toxic relationship I was in and just figuring out my own mom was doing the same tactics towards me and my step dad. We bonded over getting Jill-ed all the time so she can blame herself for how close I came to be with him.

This one is one of the more hurtful Jill things because I have personally went to her with respect and honest intentions to settle this. I have cried to her about how I would never do that. I have asked her to be honest and admit it, she flat out refuses and says she has never said it or even thought it.

What am I to do at that point besides just hope for the best?

For truth’s sake and to remain in the open: she and I got in a fight one time about her telling everyone that I sleep with him because I truly had so many people asking me about it and it was becoming difficult for me to turn to my step dad for any support.

During the heated argument, I screamed at her and said

“well since you tell everyone I fuck him constantly I might as well go ahead and fuck him so you’ll just shut the fuck up”.

She loves to remind me of this and I am not afraid of telling the truth so there you go. It was not smart or right.

The next day I told my step dad I said that, he just laughed and was playing over in his head how that argument must have went after that because Jill surely freaks out if you give her a taste of her own medicine.

She is never able to admit to guilt, feel empathy, or tell the truth. She will go to the grave with so many lies that the weight of them might sink her straight to hell if there is such a thing. If there isn’t such a thing.. there will be starting then. Satan has arrived.

That was the end of that. Anyone that doubts it either is still under Jill’s spell of doom & gloom or they don’t know me at all and to be honest I can’t care anymore

Jill is well aware I have no family besides her and my step dad that I associated with. I have not been on great terms with her for the last few years. She was not there for me during an unplanned pregnancy that had unfortunate circumstances surrounding it. My step dad was the absolute only person that I had.

I spent every single day at his house (he moved out of their place they had together and moved to his own home alone). I cleaned his house getting it livable for him while he in turn helped me to make my own decisions on my pregnancy and supported my beliefs on what to do no matter what he may have believed.

Jill, on the other hand, has told everyone she associates with that I lied about the pregnancy. What I will say is this: she saw me (months after the fact when we started talking again) cry my eyes out for hours talking about my baby. She has seen me, at every single 11:11 (that’s my baby’s birthday, 11/11/20), say “it‘s Hazel (that’s what I decided to name my baby). I feel like a lunatic but it’s the last bit of my baby I have. The day I chose abortion and she was aware of it, she texted me and simply said “I have some baby blankets for you!”. I didn’t reply because I knew she was trying to be a . I didn’t hear from her again until months after the abortion.

He was showing me support and love like a father would do for their daughter far beyond anything Jill had ever done for me. She was jealous she wasn’t there stealing all his money and always thought for some reason I was getting money.

I NEVER asked for money or gifts.

No cars, no homes, no bills to be paid, nothing. I have supported myself for years. I have 2 instances in 12 years I asked to borrow money from him and I PAID IT BACK. That’s facts. Anything else given to me was payment for the hundreds and hundreds of hours I spent for 2 years cleaning almost his entire shop and then cleaning quite a bit (along with other people) at his house.

She doesn’t see it that way, however. But, I didn’t see her ready and willing to help what needed to be done until she found out that I was. Then she just wanted to sabotage it.

Similarly, on my graduation day from nursing school, my step dad was going to gift me $1,000 (I didn’t know any of this at the time, only being told much later by him).

Jill freaked out and stole $900 of it

and said to him that he was not giving me that much because I didn’t deserve it, she did. He gave me $100. She had my $900.

I could never express anything good going on in my life for fear of it being ruined by her. When I began working as a nurse, Jill strategically (I did not realize and thought she had good intentions) would tell me almost every time I saw her how I just didn’t have the personality to be a nurse in the hospital…

“it was too stressful for me”

“I should quit and work in a nursing home.”

“I won’t be able to deal with the hospital setting”

I now know she was trying to ruin my career one negative sentence at a time.

Sometimes I believe all my negative thoughts ARE her strategic opinions over these last 12 years.

She has done this same tactic to the extreme without my understanding and knowledge of it happening, at least to the extent it was happening anyway.

I thought she was just depressed and negative. But, she was truly changing the course of my life with these negative statements over the years. She caused me to change my mind after tens or hundreds of times saying the same things to me and I subconsciously believed them ultimately at times. This one is hard to discuss and I have so many examples I could give but I can’t sit here all night typing. She dresses these statements up and wraps them in a “I’m just trying to look out for my daughter’s best interest because I know her so well” bow.

It’s hard to detect and wouldn’t be noticeable to someone just coming around every so often. But, it’s true. And, it’s changed my life a great deal. There’s going to have to be a part 3… Jill is a lot. I have so many things to explain about her, especially from the last couple months. It will make a lot more sense my reasoning for doing all this at the end, I promise. Just bear with me.

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by OBYCF [OneBitchYouCantForget

Adult Content Creator, Probably Mentally Unstable, Newly Spiritual, Artist, RN-BSN

https://linktr.ee/OBYCF