Into The Wild I Go…

Spiritual Journey Of A Slut
Jun 23, 2021
3 min read

Updated: Sep 25, 2021

“Into the wild I go

to lose my mind

and find my soul”

I have always loved this quote. Time will go by and I’ll revisit this quote and feel the same feeling every time. It’s always “spoken” to me in a way.

I actually painted it & hung it on my living room wall.

^ Only a few weeks before I figured out just how much it was about to be my new life for an unknown amount of time

The amount of coincidences and freaky signs that directly relate to now and just all the weird unexplainable things that have happened in the last month… I could just never at this point deny that it’s real.

I’m not crazy in the way that I’m just imagining shit. But, I am losing my mind so I can find my soul. Believe me.. or not. But, I am not crazy. I am, however, losing my mind in so many ways.

I randomly don’t give a shit about my material possessions and would actually just like to rid myself of them for the most part.

I want to move everything from my apartment to lose that attachment to a rental agreement and a “home” that feels more like a heartbreak cycle of doom.

I want to just drive.. somewhere.

Many places.

With only enough money to make it, nothing more or less.

I don’t want souvenirs.

I don’t want this phone number anymore.

I don’t want to ever speak to any of my “old” friends.. for the rest of my life as I see it now.

I want the least amount of the normal day to day bullshit as I can get away with.

I never want a normal clock in clock out life wasting job ever again.

I’m a nurse and don’t care to work as one, more than likely ever again.

I want whatever vehicle will help me do the things I enjoy.. maybe a truck so I can just throw whatever I want in the back and go... like something to paint. I like painting anything other than canvas right now.

Rocks, old home miscellaneous pieces and parts, old signs, etc.

I want to go have sex with new people that are likeminded to me at this time in my life.

I want to explore some cool shit.

I want to listen to fucked up dope dealing music on a good system in my art-collecting truck for endless hours while I drive the fuck away from here.

Anywhere but here is where I wanna be.

I love this feeling a lot. I’ve wanted this feeling my entire life but always had my own reasons holding me back from happiness. I still can easily come up with reasons.. but I don’t want to. I don’t have the energy to care really.

I’m broke as absolute broke can get broke. $5 in my savings, maybe $100 in my checking, only $60 that I can get out in a few days from my OnlyFans (I haven’t felt sexual like that to post in some days to a week or more.. I’m not posting fake content I refuse) so of course, I’m losing subscribers like a mf… I don’t give a shit and couldn’t give a shit if I tried and tried. Still don’t.

Thankful.

Anyways, broke. I’m glad.

The more random money I have the more likely I am to stay here and pay my bills. I gotta get the fuck out of this place before I explode into a million Bible Belt pieces.

My soul & I are trying to find something different than this for now.

My soul & I do not belong in this place right now, and that’s the best compliment I’ve ever given to my soul.

I’d be worried if we belonged here. The people stuck here are the people that wake up every day and complain about being stuck here only to remain stuck and never realize the only way to getting “unstuck” is to actually DO SOMETHING… I’m being judgmental I’m aware. I’ll work on it after I leave this hell hole. Let me hold onto my ego sometimes.. I’m just now realizing it’s so big. 😵‍💫

I’ve got some drastic changes to make before I even know I’m doing them. Wish me… luck. Or peace. Or whatever.

Wish me well on my journey to fixing myself for real this time. I want to be a good person. A truly good person. Not a people pleaser. Not so empathetic that I get trapped in abusive cycles. I want to figure some shit out and be selfless but grounded. I want to master self love. And I want to love someone else exactly how they deserve to be loved and never any less.