My Fantasy Fuckland (& why you need your own if you truly want to please yourself or anybody else)
- Spiritual Journey Of A Slut
- Jun 27, 2021
- 0 min read
Updated: Sep 25, 2021
Since becoming sexually active between middle and high school (I was young & horny what do you want from me lol I don’t make the puberty rules)
my sex fantasy land has been 🤌🏻 magnifique 🤌🏻
Anything and everything and then some happens there and I openly invite any new ideas with open arms, I prefer new ideas actually.
The crazier and the more taboo… the better.
I’m a wild & free bitch in that fantasy world. That “me” is doin’ big things.. going places.. and is a fuckin’ whore. I love her. Or me, really. I’ve gotta take some credit 💁🏼♀️. That’s the one part of my life I have always been happy with, proud of, and deeply invested in. I will, at all costs, protect it with every bit of me that I can.
Maybe I’ve invested too much in that side of me.. but when self love is at a deficit otherwise you cling to what you do love and cherish and I feel THAT is my love language.
I was molested as a child and I believe working so hard to make sure I wasn’t afraid of sex or felt bad feelings surrounding it was, is, always will be important.
Growing up in counseling, I learned a lot about the probable issues I may face in my life due to my circumstances. I’ve been determined ever since to fight against each one as best I can. I don’t want to be another person only a victim of her traumas. I want to be a person strong enough to not only overcome them and their long list of struggles to face but I want to do it in an empowering way.…
A way that makes me feel that I did the fuckin’ work and I didn’t turn into what seemed to be destined for me per counselors, scholarly articles, doctors, and so on…
I can be kinda “too much” when it comes to my “boss bitch” side. My ego could take a few more hits to really be a more mentally healthy person in that way.
But there’s something about someone else telling me what I will or won’t be or how I’ll be negatively affected that truly sends me into another head space of… my only mission is to be anything BUT that.
And I will go to the ends of the earth to prove it to myself and to whoever else doubted it.
Well, I can’t say it’s failed me. It’s made me a target a time or two. But, it’s gotten me in far better places in this world. And alternately, if I just let the world tell me what I was going to be; I’d be passively fucked. Yuck.
I somehow knew that before I even knew I knew that. I guess seeing one too many victims too close for comfort really gave me this uneasy feeling that I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let that be my destiny. I’ll do anything to avoid it actually.
Although don’t let me fool you, I’ve unknowingly and even at times knowingly let myself slip ever so slowly down the victim path of doom. I correct my path as needed though. And that’s the key I think. Not just avoiding victim hood all together, but keeping yourself in line as not to fall blindly into the trap and getting stuck there.
Everyone has been a victim a time or two. It does help the immediate feelings of hurt and anger and depression. It’s nice for someone to have empathy for you, it makes you feel understood and that you matter. But there is the tiniest little minuscule line, unseen even, that takes it from a “normal” coping mechanism to a victimized bitch with no hope.
Maybe this is where my extensive sex fantasy land was born.. in my absolute core. The core of me that hated becoming all the negative things I felt were very probable due to the traumas and varying abuse over my life. My life has been chaotic. >I< am chaotic. I invite chaos and I don’t even mean to. I believe it comes from a childhood of havoc and disorderliness.
Boring is the equivalent to “hell” in my mind. Chaotic is where I thrive.
But there, there is much more chance for further abuse and trauma and unfortunate circumstances. It’s a cycle I’m in. And I can’t seem to break free from it. I swear I’ve never met anyone who hated boring, dull, constant, stagnant, and “safe” more than me. Which, ironically, is certainly one of the symptoms of trauma I was talking about that I have tried to avoid my whole life.
You can’t win em all… but you can try. So I AM trying my best to find the comfort in “boring” and “content-ness” and “routine”. But it goes against the grain for me. Really. It is the polar opposite of what I value in this world.
A lot of my value, especially lately, is in my sexual side. Partly because I am a “sex worker” aka I have an OnlyFans and regularly feel empowered by posting my pussy online lol. And partly because it’s who I am deep down. It’s the side of me I love very much.
Now, I just need to integrate that love to all of me, even the not-sexual parts. And maybe even slightly less on just sexual. I would consider myself hypersexual as it stands right now. Another symptom of childhood sexual abuse.
So, I still have plenty of work to do to fix some things. I think that’s when I finally find out the real meaning of self love. I’m on the journey, if I know myself at all… I’ll get there. There may be a lot of fuck-ups along the way, and an unconventional means to getting to the end, but I will make it.
SO how could I claim how bad ass my sex fantasy la la land is and not give a few examples of some real fun times to be had there. Yummy. It’s an ever evolving storyline that I integrate new people into as I find they turn me on in real life. …
Which is fucking rare unfortunately for my fantasy land.
I hold onto the stories I’ve put so much effort into writing for the entirety of me getting over that latest person. Sometimes fantasy land goes on the back burner for awhile after that and then when I meet someone new, fantasy land is back in action and better than ever. I love being reunited. It’s like feeling like you’re finally home after a long trip 😉 “fuckland” is what I’m going to call it for short for sake of my poor typing fingers and for the annoying repetition of “sex fantasy la la land” lol.
So… fuckland. Yummy. I should just always call it that. Fuckland is smart & never lives in the past for too long. We have fucked the absolute shit out of each new character as it’s unfolding that there is no need to ever return to “there” once past it.
We have done and said and fucked and got fucked and everything in between we could come up with at the time… it’s old news after heartbreak is finally over. Cya never buddy. Not even in your dreams.
The only people that ever even get to enter fuck land are the ones I care about and/or go into some sort of emotional relationship with. Which is not too often. They have to be a certain type of toxic (I’m working on it, I know), they have to be open sexually, they have to be someone I can try to “fix” to no avail, and they have to fuck me good. I’m aware that the normal and conventional traits aren’t listed. I’m. Working. On. It. Lol. Self love is my first stop…
Fuckland is a product of my great imagination. I’ve always been complimented on my creativity and the positive idealistic way I can oftentimes view the world.
A lot of people replace their own version of fuckland for porn, the laziest possible avenue.
I’ve always had a little thing against porn. Not for the porn stars or any of that. Just for the people mistaking “fake” for how it should be done that consume a lot of porn.
They never explore real and raw sexuality the same once they are down the rabbit hole of fake orgasms and thinking women moan like “OMG OMG OMG OMG” lol and maybe some do… but you get the point.
They likely don’t have a fuckland similar to my fuckland to turn to.
I have never masturbated to porn, ever.
And I fucking masturbate a lot.
I have always went into my imagination when I masturbate, which if I do say so myself, is much better than anything porn could ever think to reproduce and in my fuckland I’m the one fucking.
Obviously it’s a better time than porn for me. And I can at any given moment change what happens, why, when, how, and to what it changes to. So the better you get at fuckland fucking, the better time to be had. And the best reward for picking imagination over fake porn to get off to…. Sometimes the fuckland Gods’ provide and you get a little taste of some imaginative sexy mother fucker and you get to experience in real life some of the fuckland fuckery.
The more open the other citizens are to fuckland, the more likely. So word to the wise: pick truly sexually open partners if this whole concept is important to you. Not the ones who claim to be sexually open because they like to tie you up sometimes or they slightly get a lil freaky.
I mean sexually open like they think more into sex than just a means to cum. They think about it as a means to really bond with you. And explore things they have never done. And be open to your fantasies (and vice versa). Willing to try and do whatever to please you and for the greater good of the sexual relationship you have together. That’s being open.
You can be a “freak” and not be open to be honest cough cough half of the males I’ve fucked. They think they just need to get to “freak” status and they’ve got the highest honors. Hahahahhah buddy: fuckland isn’t even receiving applications under these conditions. You got me fucked up and not fucked right.
Honorable fuckland turned real land mentions:
There was this older guy in college that had me all types of fucked in fuckland. Sometimes just the thrill of the chase permits entry. For years I got fucked in fantasy by him every which way one wishes to be. Mostly scenarios involving him fingering me in class or us sneaking off and fucking somewhere on campus. I never told him any of this because he was most definitely unavailable overall but the fuckland Gods got me goin’ and right after graduation, he hit me up and it was all of a sudden my real life for some months. It was, at times, really fun and sneaky and a turn on overall.
I have one ex boyfriend who fully embraced fuckland for everything it is. Cool guy for that 😎. We often played out whatever I had come up with in my sex imagination as best as we could replicate it. He was open and willing to do whatever and so was I. We were together for 6 years. And I have a lot of really great times and memories from those years when concerning fun sex adventures. He owns the rights to a lot of my “firsts” and vice versa.
There are some more of course but the specifics are special to me and if I share them, they lose their “shine”, it’s not worth it. 😉
Moral of the fuckland story: get out of watching so much porn, get inside your head, and come up with some freaky shit to bond with your partner on that mean a lot more than just doing something you saw online or read about. Figure out what the deepest parts of you really want and let the fuckland Gods provide.
It’s worth it and it’s some of the best experiences I’ve ever had to be honest.
for all my links in one place
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